Something for Today

THIS. We should put this in mind all the time. Time has its own game, we never know the rules. We have no idea when will our time's going to end. While we still can say it and while they still can hear it, why not say it out loud? Why not tell them we love them? Does that make us less of a human when we say those three letter words? Guess not.

Think I should do this more often, one way to patch up my relationship with the people here in our house. I guess we've gone too far and I want things to be back the way it is before. So yeah, I love you. There, I said it. :) I'm still alive though.

Just a little Reminder

I need to remind myself more often. "Don't get TOO attached". Well maybe at least reserve a little space for goodbyes, for separation, for the so called word... Leaving. People come and go, at the end of the day it'll just be you alone. None of your friends can make you feel better except yourself.

Lately, I've been hearing a lot of "goodbyes". I've seen people leave, and that's the saddest part of life, goodbyes. Problem with me is, I trusted them too much. I thought they'd make it to the end. But they didn't. They suddenly gave up. Some left to try other stuff. Some just really left with no reasons at all. You know what's sad? I learned to value them, I allowed them to be a part of my life.

Well, I decided... more likely, realized. I must prepare myself for things such as goodbyes, so that it will be less painful when it was actually happening. At least I expected it right? Again, "Don't get attached"... Yeah, must remind myself always.

Something's Wrong With Me

Lately, I've been too emotional and I cannot pinpoint the reason why I'm acting this way.

If it's still about that Identity Thingy, I should've got myself used to that. But as days went by, I am becoming aware of the things that's happening around me. A lot of things happened lately and I have no idea how I should be handling them. Look, I am not a pro at this (no one is, I guess?).

I don't know if I'm being too paranoid. I don't know if there really is a problem. I don't know if there's something to worry about. In short, I don't know a single damn thing at all, and it makes me feel so stupid. It makes me realize how ignorant I was. Sigh.

And guess what, at this point I really wish my friends were there. My "matured" friends I mean. I tried to text them, no reply. I guess, they're busy with their own lives too. Sorry for bothering. For now, I'll just... well yeah, pray. Maybe, I need to spend a day with Him once again. I miss talking to Him. :)

Thank you Irene, for listening. Though you always claim that you're not expert at this. Still, I thank God for giving me a best friend like you who never got tired of me. Wushooo. Drama. Hahaha. :)

Goodnight Mortals.

A Rush Project

This afternoon, I was tasked to make a Promotional Poster for our Variety show on the 24th (it's an end-term project for our Art & Business of Entertainment subject) due: tomorrow. Drat!

For hours, I was brain drained. My creative juices won't work (if ever I really have some of those "juices"). And I was having a terrible headache, not even a 2-serving Chicken Fillet meal can cure it. I was practically cursing to death. Pardon my French dear friends. :(

So, after hours and hours of deleting, adding, and well yeah hiding layers... here's what I've come up.

Not as Party-ish as it may look like. Sorry, that's all I could ever think of. My mind's been dysfunctional lately and I'm a little less inspired.

And did I mentioned that I still have to do the tickets? Yeah, this one's kinda easy since I just need to transfer some layers to a new blank canvass. :) So here it is.

That's it. :) Honestly, I like the ticket more than the poster. I dunno why. Haha.

Good thing I have this new book, so it kept me from boredom while waiting for our shitty PC to load (I wish I was in the office). It's 3:12 AM. I must pack my stuff for Guihulngan tomorrow, and maybe grab some sleep. Night!

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. Wait, what?

Oh, Bitters' Day you mean. That's our term for February 14- Bitters' Day, Independence Day, Singles Awareness Day (SAD), or another ordinary Tuesday. Who the hell labeled the fourteenth day of February as the day for lovers? I demand a very good explanation. Anyways, why is everybody (including me) making a big deal out of it?

You're single, you don't have a date... does that make you an illegal alien or something? Don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Go out with your friends! That's more fun, the more the merrier. We actually did that last year, and know what? That's the best Feb. 14 celebration so far.

Well, I hope everyone's gonna enjoy their day tomorrow. Let's just hope for the best. With or without love life, life goes on.

Goodnight!

First Artwork for 2012

While waiting for Dazen to finish writing her short story, I got bored so I decided to play with Photoshop once again. Gahhd, I missed it. Well then, my boredom resulted to this:

Grr. I really should practice doing the facial features. It's sucks. I know. :\

Anyways, gotta go home. Ciao!

Identity Thingy.

I am actually at the state of being curious and confused at the same time. I've reached the point of asking myself who I really am. I thought everything would be just fine. Everything will just go smoothly as it is. But one day, I realized I cannot run away from that fact... my biological father.

Each day, it bothers me. A lot of what ifs come to my mind, and I always end up crying myself to sleep. It hurts to know that he never even bothered to know about his daughter. Seventeen years, I never heard a single word from him. Tsk tsk.. Seventeen years had passed, still no signs of him.

I am not trying to hurt my step dad here. In fact, I love him more than my real dad. It's just that there's something missing.. maybe my identity. A lot of people would say that I got my nose and my complexion from my dad and I've seen it in pictures too, and yeah.. they're quite right.

Weeks ago, I've made up my mind. I'll start looking for him before I turn eighteen. I'm beginning to hate myself everyday and I don't think that'd be healthy. I hated all the people in our house well maybe because I do have trust and identity issues. Honestly, I don't know who to trust in this house anymore. It's like everybody's too busy to even care about me.

At this moment, I really feel so lost. I don't know how to start this search or where to start looking for him. All I have is his name and his picture. Other details? I'm totally clueless.

For now, I'll keep on praying. I hope one day, He'll be able to give me some answers.. I hope to find you, Papa. I have lots of questions that only you can give the answer. First thing would be, why did you leave us?


My biological father's name is Ronnie De Vera Sanchez
He is from Pampanga.
Once worked in Baguio (Royal London Circus)
~where he actually met my mom.
[any help will be appreciated] :)