What if I grew up with my other parent?

Yeah, I mean my biological dad. Funny.. I don't even know him personally. I haven't met him since I had this thing called "sight". My mom didn't gave me the chance. I don't know the reason why they separated. I mean, the REAL reason behind that break up.

My aunts kept on telling me that he's already dead.. but somewhere in my heart, I can feel that they're just lying or making up some stories for me to believe. I grew up with the thought that my real father's in heaven. But when I finally saw my family's reality, I began to question the truth behind their "stories". That's their version, I need to hear my mother's version. But she never shared... in a way, I was deprived.

I thought I'd be fine without him. I thought my step dad would be able to fill in the gap and my longing for a father. Yes, somehow for the first time, I was able to feel how it was like to have a dad. But I'm still wondering if my real dad was capable of protecting me too. Half of me was lost, half of my identity is missing.. and I don't know where to find that missing piece. I don't have any idea where he is right now.

Well, just now.. I asked myself again, "What if I grew up with my dad? What if he was there to protect me?" What if? Would I be experiencing the life I have right now? or would I be given the love and care that I really deserve most?